They Can't Kill Us Until They Kill Us

The “title” of this section begins a six-part essay focusing on the last few years of Marvin Gaye’s life and the experience of being Black in America. Below the bolded text, Abdurraqib describes the experience of converging in downtown Columbus, Ohio, for a Fourth of July fireworks display. “Born in the U.S.A.,” a Bruce Springsteen song, plays while attendees at Huntington Park cozy up to their loved ones. Abdurraqib himself attends the celebrations sometimes, in part to watch the fireworks illuminate the faces of the Black children who are “still too young to know of America’s hunt for their flesh” (5).

Abdurraqib tracks the enduring commercial success of Chance the Rapper’s 2016 album, Coloring Book. He hypothesizes that in a year filled with political unrest, terrorism, and personal loss, the album provided Black listeners with an opportunity to celebrate and experience joy. The album is not necessarily intended for white listeners, but Chance’s joy and enthusiasm allow them to enjoy and find solace in the album as well.

Abdurraqib highlights Chance’s literary prowess—tracking his poetic lineage to the Black poet Gwendolyn Brooks—and his nuanced representation of Chicago, his hometown. Politicians and the media often stereotype the city as an extremely violent community—a perception Abdurraqib ascribes to racism. Chance’s lyrics and activism transcend this narrative, instead emphasizing the importance of community.

While attending a Bruce Springsteen concert in New Jersey, Abdurraqib realized that the only other Black people in the audience were employed by the venue. This leads Abdurraqib to reflect on Springsteen’s music, which often focuses on the American Dream and romanticizes hard labor; though often frustrated in their aspirations, Springsteen’s working-class heroes display an underlying confidence that they will struggle through and survive. Abdurraqib considers the murder of Black teenager Michael Brown, which took place shortly before Abdurraqib attended the Springsteen concert, noticing the contradiction between listening to Springsteen sing about “the promise of living” while knowing another young Black life has been taken (21).

Abdurraqib attends a sold-out Carly Rae Jepsen show and is amazed at how diverse the crowd is and how intimate the performance feels: “[A]nything is possible. Even in a city that makes you feel small, there is someone waiting to fall in love with you” (23). He explores how Jepsen clearly loves to make music and discusses her evident enthusiasm when performing her songs. He additionally considers “how often there is shame attached to loving anyone publicly” (26), noting the widespread distaste for public displays of affection. However, at Jepsen’s concert, couples kiss and embrace openly.

Following Prince’s death in 2016, Abdurraqib reflects on Prince’s Super Bowl XLI performance, arguing that it was more influential and memorable than the actual football game. It rained during the performance, but Prince seemed untouched by the weather, covering other artists’ songs in ways that surpassed the originals and closing with “Purple Rain.” Though Prince seemed immortal at the time, Abdurraqib figuratively lays him to rest by assuring him that “[t]his is the one we know all the words to” and that he can therefore leave the stage (29).

The rapper ScHoolboy Q wants white people at his concerts to say the n-word because “if they paid for a show and put food on [his] family’s table, [he’s] not going to be up there saying the word alone” (31). Abdurraqib wonders how this will work, remembering a time in college when a bunch of his white friends said the n-word while singing along to Biggie Small’s song “N****s Bleed.” He notices that white people seem to enjoy rap that uses the n-word.

Abdurraqib describes attending one of The Weeknd’s concerts, noting the sex-saturated environment: a pornographic film played behind The Weeknd on stage, people handed out condoms, and The Weeknd walked onto the stage announcing his intention to make the audience orgasm. Despite this, everyone in the crowd maintained their personal space. Abdurraqib was attending the concert because a former lover encouraged him to see The Weeknd live, but he was ultimately unimpressed, “jealous” of how The Weeknd’s songs make loveless sex seem so simple and uncomplicated. The final song, he notes, contained a plea for someone to tell the singer they love him.