Hopeless

The two stop at Holder’s house long enough to tell his mother the two are heading to Austin for now. As they drive, Holder assures Sky she has much to process; Karen will go to prison for kidnapping her, and people will still remember the media circus around her disappearance. Sky panics. She does not want this to be her life. They kiss, and Sky knows that Holder is now her whole family.

Sky and Holder get a hotel in Austin. They shower, and Holder maintains a respectful distance from Sky, not pressuring her when they get settled. She thinks, “I don’t want him treating me like I am fragile” (285). Sky tells him she will understand if, after finding out so much about her life, he wants out because her “life has turned to s***” (286). He smiles and replies, using their new word, “I live you” (287).

After Sky and Holder sleep, they go out for a walk into the bright October afternoon. Holder confides what he remembers about the day Sky was kidnapped; he tried to tell his mother, but she told him to go play. Later, Sky’s dad came out looking for her. He admits that because Sky’s father was the police chief, he was scared of him.

Figuring Holder knew something, Sky’s father took him and his sister to the police station. Holder was terrified—he knew adults did terrible things to kids they kidnapped. For months, the town searched for Sky, but after a while the case went cold. He recalls, “It was like all our hope was taken away right along with our Hope” (293). At that point, Holder stops and points to a house behind them. “We’re here” (294). It is the home where Sky grew up.

Les and Hope talk. As Les teaches Hope how to tie her shoelaces, Hope realizes that she cannot tell her best friend how much she hates her home and how much she misses her mother.

Sky hesitates in front of her old home, but she knows she needs to visit her bedroom. She wants to retrieve a photo of her mother. No one is home, so Sky enters the house and heads to her room. When she turns the doorknob, she is suddenly awash in sweat. She steps in. Sky remembers all the plastic stars on the ceiling and walls. But the photo is gone. The sound of turning the doorknob, however, has unlocked a flood of terrifying memories.

Sky dreads the sound of the doorknob turning. She lies very still in her bed, hoping her father will think she is dead. He comes in with a present. She dreads getting presents from him because he always expects to be thanked. As he begins to touch her, she stares at the stars on her ceiling and counts until he leaves. She thinks, “I hate getting presents” (303).

Sky is wracked by tears. She balls up her fist and yells at the girl she sees in the mirror. She rips out the drawers of her dresser. She throws whatever she can pick up. Sky is aware Holder is behind her, holding her and trying to calm her. She goes limp. To know such things had been done to her by an adult she trusted, even loved, causes her to consider for the first time that Karen might have rescued her, not kidnapped her.

Sky and Holder return to the hotel. Once in the room, Holder holds her. She wants Holder to make these feelings and memories go away even for a little bit. Carelessly, she begins to make out with him, telling him, “Have sex with me” (310). He does not want their first time to be like this. He “knows hate and he knows pain,” and this is not he wants (311). But he needs to help Sky.

They begin to have sex. This time, Sky does not stop him, bracing for the pain of her own emotional turmoil. Holder, however, cannot do it—not like this. He leaves the room. Sky takes a long, hot shower and emerges from the bathroom. Holder, red-eyed, is on the bed. She apologizes—she wishes he could be her first. “I’m sorry he took that from you” (317), she says. Holder dismisses that out of hand. He assures her he wants to make love, but he understands how difficult that will be for her. I want to make love with you, he says, because I love you. The two make love, Sky feeling “every single beautiful thing” (320).

Sky and Holder wake up in the hotel room. Holder explains the two cannot stay in this hotel forever. Sky asks for one more day; she needs to go to her home again. Holder agrees.

When they arrive at Sky’s home, her father, coming home from the police station, arrives at the same time. Sky and Holder wait nervously in the car and watch her father pick up the mail and head to the front door. Sky knows she must confront him if she is ever going to be at peace. She must know if he is abusing others now. Holder tries to dissuade her even as Sky exits the car, but suddenly they are aware that the father is there at the window. He wants to know whether there is a problem. It is then that the father recognizes Sky and calls her his “Princess,” the name Sky associates with the abuse.

Sky nearly faints. The father tries to help, calling Sky “Hope.” He goes on about how happy he is to know she is alright and back home after all these years. Sky tells him that she remembers everything he did to her. The father backs off, seeing his entire life suddenly in jeopardy. Sky says she will go away if he gives her everything from her mother.

The father tells Sky to come inside so they can talk without Holder. Holder tells him to leave his gun on the porch steps. Holder kisses Sky, and she and her father go inside. Before Sky can say anything, her father admits what he did, blaming the death of Sky’s mother and alcohol for his behavior. He begs for her forgiveness. But Sky insists that his abuse occurred night after night, adding, “You were supposed to be protecting me from people like you” (332). Then she asks the question she most fears: am I the only one? She is caught up in a “hurricane of emotions” (333). She still loves him too much to ruin his entire life.

Little Hope has been feeling sick. She is grateful that her mother is in bed with bed, comforting her and snuggling with her. Her father comes in and tells the mother he can stay with their daughter for a while so she can get some sleep. She feels so close to her father as he sings a song to her and she falls asleep.