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51 pages 1 hour read

Drinking Coffee Elsewhere

Fiction | Short Story Collection | Adult | Published in 2003

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Story 4: “The Ant of the Self”

Story 4 Summary: “The Ant of the Self”

Spurgeon, an African American teenaged boy, has borrowed his mother’s car and bailed his father, Ray Bivens Jr., out of jail in Louisville, Kentucky, in October of 1995. Ray, who was arrested for a DUI, is ranting to Spurgeon about the importance of investing. Ray likes to tell stories about “his Black Panther days” and refers to cops as pigs (83). Spurgeon suggests wryly that Ray ask the “pigs” for a refund on his bail money if he wants investment funds. Ray asks Spurgeon about the prize money he won in a debate competition, but Spurgeon says that he spent it on bail. Ray asks Spurgeon a question about investing and then grabs his arm roughly when Spurgeon ignores him.

When Spurgeon’s parents got divorced, Ray petitioned for partial custody, so Spurgeon was stuck taking a bus every weekend to see his father. Bored, Spurgeon began to work ahead on his schoolwork. When he saw a sign recruiting students for the debate team, it specified that members should expect to give up their weekends, and Spurgeon saw this as his ticket out of his visits to his father. Spurgeon was a strong debater, but his cool logic gave way to anger when he was confronted with someone like his history teacher, who told him that he would succeed in life if he could avoid drugs. Spurgeon, who had never gone near drugs, resented the implication.

Spurgeon continues to placate his father as he preaches about investing, finally reminding Ray that he doesn’t have money to invest. At a gas station, Spurgeon relents and gives his father $20. Ray spends the money on beer and Funyuns, returning to tell Spurgeon that they need to go to Jasper, Indiana, which Spurgeon knows is where Ray’s ex-girlfriend Lupita lives. Spurgeon protests, since his mother will want him to return the car. Lupita has a houseful of exotic birds that she allows to fly free. The birds belong to Ray, who bought them to sell them. Ray wants to get the birds and take them to Washington DC to the Million Man March because there will be a lot of black men trying to connect to their African roots—and there are a lot of exotic birds in Africa.

Spurgeon resists, as Washington DC is 700 miles away and not only has he never missed a day of school before, but he would have to miss a debate tournament. Ray orders Spurgeon to drive, and he does. At Lupita’s house, Lupita points a shotgun at Ray and screams at him but allows him to leave with the birds. Spurgeon sees Lupita sitting on the porch with her face in her hands. He admonishes his father for taking the birds away from her when she clearly loved them. Ray retorts, “You are a complete pussy, you know that?” (94). After he insults Spurgeon a few more times, Spurgeon pulls over and tells Ray to get out of the car. Ray does, and Spurgeon drives to the next exit. He calls his mother, who tells him to get home right away. Back in the car with the birds, Spurgeon goes back to pick up his father.

They drive all night, park the car in Arlington, and take the Metro into DC. At the National Mall, Ray tells Spurgeon that they’re going to split up with the birds. Spurgeon agrees but doesn’t move. He listens to the speeches, first Louis Farrakhan on the Nation of Islam and then Jesse Jackson. In his mind, Spurgeon critiques their speaking techniques, mostly unmoved. When a man comments that the speech was powerful, Spurgeon admits that he’s only there because his father forced him to come. Several men respond by lecturing Spurgeon about responsibility and atonement. Finally, Spurgeon sees his father and escapes. Spurgeon is angry and asks his father how he feels about driving 700 miles and failing to sell a single bird. Ray sulks, and they go on in silence.

They find a bar, and Ray disappears to buy more Funyuns. The bartender asks Spurgeon about the March. Spurgeon comments that he wasn’t inspired by the speeches, but he felt relieved to be there, adding, “I’m the only black kid in my class. Like a fucking mascot or something” (106), and that being among so many black men was like a vacation. Two men at the bar scoff at Spurgeon, stating, “We the ones fought for you to be in school with the white folks” (107). Ray returns with cash, claiming that he sold a bird for $600. Spurgeon is annoyed and reminds Ray about the bail money, but Ray just says that he’ll buy Spurgeon a drink. Ray plays cards with the bar patrons and meets a woman named Farrah. They get drunk together while Spurgeon talks to the other bar patrons.

Drunkenly, Ray complains that Spurgeon doesn’t love or understand him. Spurgeon apologizes for his comment about not selling birds, but Ray isn’t satisfied. After a while, Ray demands that Spurgeon give him the car keys so he can go to Farrah’s house. Spurgeon refuses, knowing that he’d never see his mother’s car again. He starts to walk away, but Ray attacks him from behind, hitting Spurgeon harder than he ever has. Ray starts to beat his son, but Spurgeon fights back. Spurgeon insults Ray by reminding him that his Black Panther stories are made up and Ray never went to Vietnam. This comment hurts Ray more than anything. Spurgeon ends up back in the bar, drinking scotch instead of soda this time.

Ray has taken the car, and Farrah has gone home with another man. Spurgeon pays for the windows his father broke. He has very little money, so he takes the long walk to the train station. There, Spurgeon doesn’t have enough money for a train ticket. He ponders calling his mother when he sees a father carrying his sleeping son, probably having just come from the March. The man sees Spurgeon, drunk, and gives him $20 to clean himself up. Spurgeon notes, “It’s not enough to get me where I’m going, but it’s just what I need” (116). Spurgeon watches as the man asks the ticket vendor if he’ll say “All aboard” like conductors do in the movies. The ticket vendor agrees. Watching the child’s excitement, Spurgeon almost starts to cry, but instead, he holds it in.

Story 4 Analysis: “The Ant of the Self”

This story is about the importance of the father/son relationship, particularly to a young black man who is finding his way in the world. As a teenager, Spurgeon faces the challenge of struggling to define himself and his own masculinity. He resents how little his abusive father has given him as a masculine role model. Spurgeon has studied and worked hard to escape his father, both literally by joining debate to avoid weekend visits and figuratively as he strives to be the opposite of Ray. Spurgeon becomes enraged when his teacher condescendingly suggests that Spurgeon will be successful in life if he can stay away from drugs, since this stereotype categorizes him with his shiftless father. Although Spurgeon is a talented debater, as a black student at a mostly white school, he is sure that teachers only favor him because he tries hard to be polite and non-threatening, actively fighting against the stereotype of black men.

Spurgeon’s resentment toward his father prevents him from fully appreciating the experience of the March. Spurgeon is disillusioned with black masculinity, and his training at a white school has made him feel superior, critiquing Louis Farrakhan and Jesse Jackson for their technical oratory skills rather than absorbing their messages. While the men at the March approach Spurgeon with open arms, offering food and guidance, Spurgeon is accustomed to a father who insults and hurts him for having emotions and wanting to be responsible. After the March, the bar patrons remind Spurgeon of the battle that African Americans have fought for rights and to remember that going to a predominantly white school doesn’t make Spurgeon better than the others. At the end of the story, Spurgeon’s father abandons him, and Spurgeon gives in and gets drunk. When he sees a black father caring for his son, trying to make him happy, Spurgeon almost cries but holds it back, showing how his father’s influence has led him to be ashamed of his own emotions. 

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