A Woman Is No Man

After her meeting with Sarah, Deya sits with Nasser a second time, and he brings up the question of marriage. Deya argues that she needs more time, but Nasser cites the Arabic concept of naseeb, that one’s fate is preordained. If he and Deya are destined to marry, it is pointless to resist. They engage in a discussion of fate versus free will. Nasser claims that she can “choose” to wait, but her naseeb dictates that choice in the end. Deya maintains that a restricted choice is no choice at all.

Later, Fareeda presses Deya for a decision, but Deya is not ready to commit to Nasser. Fareeda then tells Deya the story of how she and Khaled met in a refugee camp and of the complete lack of choice she had. She believes that by allowing Deya to sit with Nasser “as often as you’d like” (165), she is giving Deya the choice she never had. This, she believes, should be the limit of a woman’s choice. Finally, Deya agrees to give Nasser another chance, if only to give herself more time.

That night, Deya tells Nora about her visit with Sarah. She plans to meet with her again the next day. Nora cautions her sister to be wary of Sarah, saying that she can’t trust her. 

Isra has now been in America for four years, and she has just delivered her third daughter, Layla. Adam is disappointed, and Isra is depressed and exhausted. She has three babies, constant chores, and the weight of unfulfilled expectations. She is lagging in her daily prayers, feeling removed from God’s grace. Out of curiosity one night, Isra rummages through Adam’s dresser drawer, but she finds only cash, cigarettes, a notebook, and some pens and lighters. She reproaches herself for her suspicions, unsure what, if anything, she expected to find—perhaps a clue to Adam’s emotional distance. She reaches for her copy of A Thousand and One Nights, which she keeps under their mattress, but the fanciful pictures are only a bleak reminder of her naïve romantic fantasies. In desperation, she writes a letter to her mother in Palestine, confessing her loneliness and solitude. She despairs that her daughters won’t have a better life in America like she had hoped.

Two weeks later, Nadine delivers a baby boy. Isra feels like a miserable failure and fears Adam will never love her now. While Fareeda rejoices at finally having a grandson, Adam sulks, refusing to meet Isra’s eyes. That night in their bedroom, he approaches her and, without provocation, slaps her for the first time.

Deya meets with Sarah a second time, and Sarah confesses the real reason she ran away: She had been sexually active and feared her parents’ reaction. She feels like a coward for not admitting to Fareeda and Khaled what she did, but Deya understands her fear; admitting her “sins” could have put Sarah’s life at risk. Gazing around the bookstore, Deya mentions her love of reading, a passion she and Sarah share. Feeling a sense of camaraderie with Deya, Sarah reassures her that she is not alone. Deya, however, is too focused on self-protection to fully accept Sarah’s words.

They also discuss Sarah’s possible future had she chosen to stay. Sarah admits it has been a tradeoff. She has gained an education, a career, and independence, but she has lost her family, and she deeply regrets that. She wants Deya to consider that she has options as well. Sarah lectures her about self-fulfilling prophecies and creating her own reality with the power of positive thinking; Deya finds Sarah’s words not so much inspirational as trite, but Sarah pushes her to define her own future despite her fears. She wants to help Deya avoid her own mistakes and to feel a sense of belonging that she misses in her life. Despite Deya’s deep reservations—Sarah dismisses them as excuses—Sarah continues to press her to be honest with herself. She tries to provide Deya with some perspective: She should confront her fears in the short term for the sake of happiness in the future. They agree to meet the following day.

When Fareeda sees the bruise on Isra’s face from Adam’s slap, she chastises Isra for not covering it up; the bruise, she claims, signifies Isra’s shame. Fareeda shows her how to hide it with makeup, telling Isra that “what happens between husband and wife must stay between them” (184). When Adam beats her again, Isra covers the bruises herself. She wonders what inner darkness has cursed her to make her deserve such abuse.

Deya, now three, is a sullen child, rarely smiling. Hoping to change the emotional dynamic she experienced with her own mother, Isra tells her daughter she loves her. When Isra sees how Nadine stands up to Fareeda, she laments her own “pathetic weakness.” Why, she wonders, can she not find the courage to assert herself?

When Fareeda hears that her friend Umm Ahmed’s daughter is getting divorced, she relishes the shame it will cast upon Umm Ahmed’s other daughter; she sees other young women merely as competition for Sarah. When Fareeda mentions the idea of marriage to Sarah, now 15, Sarah again brings up college. Fareeda dismisses the idea on the spot, citing damage to the family reputation if Sarah should be seen wandering the streets alone.

Sarah is aware that Adam beats Isra, and she doesn’t want that life for herself. When she and Isra are alone, she tells Isra to stand up for herself, saying, “if a man ever put his hands on me, I’d call the cops right away” (191). She reveals that Adam is an alcoholic and smokes hashish sometimes. When Isra is surprised, Sarah accuses her of being naïve. Isra responds, “Of course I’m naïve” (192); she is never allowed to leave the house. Sarah again offers to bring her books to read. This time, Isra accepts.

Deya visits with Sarah at the bookstore frequently (the school hasn’t reported her absences because it’s common for girls in their senior year to miss school while entertaining suitors). With each story Sarah tells her, Deya realizes that her mother was more complex than her own memories suggest. Back at home, Deya asks Fareeda why Sarah never visits. Although she knows the truth, she tries to get Fareeda and Khaled to admit the truth. Deya suggests innocently that maybe Sarah is upset with her parents for abandoning her to a strange man in a foreign country. Khaled grows angry and says he never wants to hear Sarah’s name mentioned in the house again. Deya suggests that his reaction is a cover for his feelings of guilt, but Fareeda argues they have nothing to feel guilty for. When Deya presses her for the truth, Fareeda says she had no problem marrying off her daughter, and “I certainly won’t have trouble doing the same to you” (195).